Sunday, October 30, 2005


I have decided to take the east-west highway to come back. It has been a while since I last took this route, and I have never take this car through this route before. Started at about 10:00am, from my hometown (err... it's not a really a town. It's a kampung - small village) and by about 10:30am Gunung Reng suddenly spring into my view. From here on, it took me one full hour climbing up the Main Range till I reach the highest point of the highway.

I wish this car has a manual transmission, instead of auto transmission. Still it was fun to through the winding road hilly road. On certain strecth I purposely turn off the over-drive to get an extra pumping and kick from exceleration climbing uphill and cornering through the winding road. It was fun. It rawks! It will be damn much fun if I can get hold of one the boxsters that I saw travelled in on the opposite direction. Okie! Another item into my dream-list. To driver boxster through the East-West Highway. I am sure this gonna be damn fun, yay!

This is the photo I snapped at the rest area, if I am not mistaken the highest point of the highway. Sorry for the poor quality of the photo, it was snapped using the phone camera. Hmmm... time for me to get myself a proper digital cam...

I should have started earlier, I like the missy condition of the road during early morning which I have sometimes experienced in the past trips.

Another nice scenery. View from the Banding Island. Yes, an island on the Main Range! This man made island is formed when the surrounding area is flooded to be made into a dam. Though can't been seen clearly from this photo, the water of man made dam is green in colour. Must be from the algea that thrive in it.

This lake is an angler heaven. There is chalet on this Island too. Banding Island Resort, if I am not mistaken.

Though distance wise, this route is further (clocked 480 KM on my speedo meter) than the Karak-Gua Musang route that I took on my way back on Thursday I still much prefer this route. Still I clocked almost equal hours from end to end for both route. Ya, I speed like mad cow just now. Sue me... :P

I like this route for a few reasons. First it has much nicer scenery. The surounding mountain (unfortunately those forest by the road side is has been exploited for timber, very long ago). At certain strecth you can peer down by the side of the road and the view of ravine few hundred meters (I guess, or at least that how it seems to me :P) deep await you. Yeah!

Most of the highway on the penisula has been improved too much to the point that it is too straight to my liking. Straight road are plain boring, and the only way I can keep myself alert and awake on those highway is to drive at highspeed. Which was exactly what I did on North-South Highway just now. :P I hope they won't straighten the East-Wast Highway no more. This is just nice, just make sure all it is poth-hole free and I am a happy driver like dat *grin*.

It took me approximately 5 hours drive through the 480KM from end to end, that on everage 100 KM/H. Wait, this can't be correct. I thought I have been driving at err... mmpph... never mind, forget it :P.

Stopped a few times briefly. At the highest point to take picture, Banding Island to take picture, Gerik Town for a leak and some where between Gerik and Lenggong by policeman. The last stop was not a pleasant one. I was stopped by the Policeman who said I crossed the double lines. I told him I didn't, I turn in just in time. I was pretty sure about it. He was not happy, yet in the end he let me go after I keep telling him I am very sure I didn't crossed the double line.

Thanks godness he let me off, otherwise another RM300 gone. Honestly I am pretty sure I turned just before the double lines start after I overtake a car. Yet, one thing he was right and I agree is that I was speeding above the speed limit, pretty damn lot above the speed limit which is 90KM/H for that stretch. He didn't have speed gun, so he just let me go. Phew....

You expect me to drive at 90KM/H on the road so wide and straight? I honestly think it will be more dangerous for me to keep driving at speed of 90KM/H on such a straight road, I will dooze off and skid off the road any moment. I think something is not right with the system of the speed limit. Anyway, maybe I will write about it othertime.

For those that taking a long trips over this festive period (deeparaya), I wish all of you have a safe and pleasant journey.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Bloody Idiot

My grand uncle passed away this morning, after months of fighting against throat cancer. At least he ain't suffering no more. Hope he can rest in peace now.

I woke up at about 7:00am this morning. Yes by myself, even the alarm which I had set at 8:00 still sound asleep and yes that rarely happened these few months. Five minute later I receive a sms from my uncle, about the news. Then after a couple of minutes of receiving that sms, I got a call from my mom telling me the same thing. They too just got the news, not sure what time he actually passed away too. Only much later, I was informed that he passed away around 3am.

I decided to go back to attend his funeral. I wasn't that close to him, still I think ought to go back and pay him last respect. One of his son, my dad's cousin has been treating me all of us very well when I was young. So I ought to attend his dad funeral.

This event reminded me of my late grandfather. Since this morning I was plotting things that I wanted to put onto this post right now. About my late grandfather. Unfortunately, I don't think I will able write it tonite. Maybe next time.

I was too bloody pissed to write about that anymore. When I reached home just now, I have lost all the mood and plot to write.

The moment I reach home,

Me : Are you going back next week?
My other cousins told me they had much earlier already planned to go back next week, it's okie then. I will just go back by myself.
Brother : Yes. Why you want to go back tomorrow?
Okie, you want to pretend like you don't already know. Fine, I tell you nicely
Me : Grand Uncle's funeral on Friday.
Brother : Why don't you go back with us next week?
Fuck!!! My blood start to boiled..... what kind of farking question is this. Don't you fucking get it, Grand Uncle funeral is on this Friday???? Fuck!!!
Me : It doesn't matter, you can go back next week. I will go back tomorrow.
It's up to him when he want to go back, not big deal. I will drive back by myself.
Brother : Damn it... I ask you nicely and you talk like that to me... bla bla bla...

I am too blardy pissed to say anything more. I just walk into my room and leave him there. What the fuck is this? I bloody damn respect his decision, and he accused me of not talking nicely to him? Fuck you!!!!

Few years back, I might already have argued back and shouted at him and started World War III. Now... I will just swear at him in my heart and on this post.

I blardy respect your decision, and not even trying to question your choice/priority. So can you please blardy stop imposing your choice/priority on me. One more, next time if you want me to follow you back please say so. Don't farking beating around the bush with blardy stupid like that can or not. bleh...

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Little Red Dot

I was in the little red dot down south on Friday and Saturday. On a unplanned short business trip. Gotta wake farking bloody early and unheavenly unhumanly hour on friday to catch the earliest shuttle out. As expected, I overslept. So did my "driver". *grin*.

I set the alarm at 5:05, 5:10 and 5:15. I didn't hear all of them. Damn... I woke up at 5:03am and decided to steal a little bit more sleep till at least the first alarm went off. By the time I woke up the second time, it's already 5:43am. Yes I didn't hear all the three alarm from my phone. I rushed into bathroom for a quick bath. Luckily my colleague who suppose to pick me up overslept too. But still I managed to get ready by the agreed time, 6:15am.

Another colleague had been there for a week already and the moment he knew I was going over, asked me to stay over and accompany him. It must be dead bored staying alone there. I sort of agree, but because due overslept I didn't manage to pack any extra cloth for the stay over.

Anyway, I did stay over and yes in the same pant, shirt and underware for one and a half day there. So sue me :P

It's not exactly a pleasant feeling to be used as an excuse for other to commit something which ain't seems right. I should have known better of his trick, this is not the first time. Make a mental note, not to fall for his trick again next time.

Money can't buy us everything, and yet everything requires money. Come to think of it, when it require money to get a companionship; even for a short little while, it just ain't gonna take the away that lonesome feeling. Not even in that little short span. Who am I trying to kid here? Myself definitely, it seems.

This is the first time I took shuttle flight, so I was blur like sotong when I was at the airline counter trying to confirm my open ticket. After being "toss" around for a couple of times, finally I got a confirmed flight back. Not exactly their fault, I didn't ask the correct question and made too early an assumption myself.

This too is the first time I manage to get a good look at the little red dot while the plane is ascending. There are some cloud here and there yet the sky was clear enough for me to take take good look at the little red dot from high above. For the first time I realise how small the dot is. I can see the main dot from east to west in just one view from high above. No wonder they feel so vulnerable.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Anicca - Impermanence

My hearfelt condolence to our Primier, and family on the passing of beloved and dearest wife.

Pemergian Mu
Gerimis di hilir dinihari
membasahi bumi
kepulangan mu
ke hadirat Ilahi

Menongkah arus
hingga ke akhir
ketabahan mu
biar dijejak
dibuat hikmat
insan duniawi

Tiada lagi
belaian mesra
demi pujaan mu
di khalayak insani

Kini yang tinggal
sekumtum mawar
sebutir mutiara
di hati pujaan mu
jadi azimat
menerus perjuangan
demi umat sejagat
di tanahair tercinta

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Silver Lining

Went to 1U to buy new pair of pant and a shoe for my gym. The sport shoe I am wearing now koyak already. That's what happen to shoe when it's left unused for a prolong period. I think I didn't wear that shoe for at almost 6 months until I start gym few months ago. After few session of gym the shoe finally koyak.

It was raining when I went out from my place just now. Earlier I was considering should I just cancel my plan to go 1U. There was lightning and thunders half an hour later. Anyway, there I was driving to 1U suppose to turn in to the left most lane right after the Sri Pentas, but there was a couple of cars coming out from the Sri Pentas junction. It's too late, damn those cars! Opps sorrry, not their fault it's my fault actually. Should have turned in earlier.

Never mind lets make a U turn in front. The rain is subsiding, and I gotta be more careful this time round. Should turn to the left lane earlier. Turn left in to the left most lane, oh wait.... this.. this... damn... wrong turn again. I am pretty familiar with this roud here and how can I not notice this is the lane to go up the fly-over for the Kerinchi Link. I turn left too early. Okie this is the second time I make wrong move.

Huh... this gonna be a long journey I ever take from my place to 1U. Thinking to myself, "OK, just turn out from the Mont Kiara area and turn back". Suddenly I see another U-turn signboard. Okie, not too bad. At least this is not that far. I am not familiar with this new Highway, now at least I know you can make U-Turn before reaching the Toll. Make mental note. At least now I knew extra road to make u-turn back to PJ. Gotta detour left to make a U-Turn. Oh.. I see, there on the sign-board, TDDI. Okie at least now I know can go to TDDI from here as well. Actually I never been to TDDI area before. Some how I have this feeling again. Some time when I went to a place I will have the feeling that, some more in the future I will be comming back to this area again for some significant event. That's the same feeling I've got at the Kerinchi Link U-Turn just now.

Bought my pant and shoe. Yeah! While waiting for my pant to be altered, I went looking for my shoe. Was telling myself wasn't going to go into MPH. Yet, there I was in MPH. Is this fated? I was just wondering around to look for shoe and there I was in MPH. On the way in to the store, saw a sweet young lady was browsing some books. Heehee.. not too bad. Can wash my eyes at least *grin*. I don't have anything in mind, not looking for any particular book. Just follow my instint, do a quick browse through all the book rack. Nothing caught my attention. Anyway I wasn't going to buy any book.

Took a technical book from the shelf, pretty interesting. Turn to the back cover, huh so expensive. Eversince the financial crisis in late nineties, the technical book has been pretty expensive because of the higher conversion rate. Well, forget it. I am not gonna buy this book at least not today *grin*.

"Excuse me!" I was snapped out from my attention on the content of the book I am holding. I turn my head finding the owner of the sweet lady voice. Here she is the lady I saw near the entrance just now. When did she I just come here. Probably I was too focus on the book, as usual, and didn't notice her approach.

Me: Yes.
She: Is that the TSGH book you are holding?
Me: Huh... eerrr yes.
She: Oh... sorry. I was planning to buy that book, but I was looking for another book and leave it here 'cos it's too heavy to carry around. I really need that book. Err.. actually my brother need that book. He asked me to buy it for him, and I already call him just now to tell him that I have found the book and gonna buy for him. I know it's partly my fault. I should have took that book already just now. Are you going to buy that book?
Me: errr.... well...
I wasn't gonna buy the book, at least not today, I was just about to say no
She: I am teribly sorry, but I really need to have book.
I can't let a lady be dissapointed. Even if I wanted to buy the book I will just let her have it.
Me: Miss, here you go. You just take it. It's okie, I was just browsing through only. I wasn't going to buy it.
She: Are you sure?
Me: Ya, no worries. Here you go.
She: I really feel this is not right. Tell you what, why don't you at least buy you a drink? Please say yes, otherwise I will really feel bad.
Hahaa... like I said just now, I don't have the heart to let a lady dissapointed and feel bad.
Me: Okie, fine.

There I was drinking my coffee and having a small conversation with the sweet young lady. If it wasn't for the wrong turn, twice mind you, I doubt I was there at the correct moment and correct place.

Funny how life can be ironic sometimes. When nothing seems to be right, and you lost all the hope. In the end unfortunate event seems to lead you toward something so right and so wonderful.

Anyway before any of you get so over excited and start wondering on the detail of my conversation with the young sweet thing just now, please pay attention to what I gonna tell you now.
I am sorry, I LIED. Haaahaaaahhaaa those are just a fiction. Not all. I did went to 1U and I did missed the turn twice. I did bought myself the pant and shoe. I did "wander off" into MPH. The part which is fiction is the part where I see and meet that young sweet lady. lol. I just create the story, but still I really wish I was true. Though in real life, it might not turn out to be so wonderful yet somehow this is how the mystery of life unfold itself.

That's how I take it when I face a certain unfortunate event in my life. It's like the life of those that miss the bus that was being bombed in London. Imagine we are the one that missed the bus to a very important appointment that morning. The moment we realise that we have missed the bus, we will feel terible. Yet, the next moment when we got the news that the same bus that we missed have been bombed that terible feeling suddenly just turned into a great relieves and blessing to us. Yes, it's very unfortunate for those that was on that bus, may their soul be free and peace where ever they are now.

Sorry, for the digression. Anyway, that how I "lied" to myself when some problem sometime creep up in my life. Not all unfortunate event may neccessary be bad. Sometime it's a blessing in disguise, we might not aware of it just as yet. That what I often tell myself. It is bad, yet can could have been worst.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Jiwang tonite can?

Fix You (Coldplay)

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Bloody Depressing Friday Nite at Pub

I can't believe this! Damn bloody depressing moments in pub. I mean there is no girls to see... well.. there is this nice "nurse" or "red-crescent nightingle" came to drink with us and snap a few photo. That's about it.

Imagine a bunch of balak, sitting on sofa having booze and staring down through the glass wall at a bunch of a kua's spoofing some song and dance. WTF? We come here for entertainment okie. We end up have to entertain ourselves. Got and upstair seat and switch three tables in half an hours and end up with the suckest night I ever had in bar. Shouldn't go there on friday night anymore. At least on monday was still better.

On of our "new-comer" thought he would have great time with us. And end up he is having a indentity crisis. He can't differentiate between real and fake women anymore. Even during the house singer sang, he still keep asking us is that a real women or fake one. Fuck...

The most depressing thing is they sangs birthday songs five times okie. Few's by the fake female and the rest by the house singer there. it's a she. WTF? do you have to sing birthday song that many times ar, for fuck sake?


Thursday, October 13, 2005

Torpedo Soup for the Soul

After few days weeks of procrastination finally I cleaned my bathroom just now. I can sleep on the bathroom floor tonite. Huh, maybe I should. But not the bathroom floor, on the living room floor. Been a while since I have been sleeping on the floor or hard surface. Not been able to sleep well on the bed these few weeks months. Ya, may be I should sleep on the floor tonite.


Okie now. Come to the real meat for tonite post. Clean on the outside, now cleaning the inside. I wish the soul is a physical thing like my bathroom. So easy to see and clean when it's dirty. Or at the least give me an extra sense to "see" my soul, I am very positive the five senses that I possesed right now are not capable of "seeing" through my soul.

I was in bad mood last night. Thanks to my friend for sharing my bad mood with me, for taking the profanities that I threw at her with joy and eagerness. I have never enjoy being in the bad mood as much as last night. I have learn a few lessons from this experience. All the theories that I have been reading finally ring so loud and clear in my head from this real hard knocked experience. It becomes so real and true. Not that I was never in bad mood, but this is the first time that I manage to observe my own self or rather my own mood loaded with the theories about human emotion that I have read in my mind.

My outlook and handling of my foul mood used to be so different. Most of the time, I thought we human I can control my emotion and mood through my logic thinking. My remedy for bad emotion was always to think logical. Find the root cause of the problem, and solve it. If I can't find the root cause, logically there was no problem in first place. So I should pull myself out from that dreaded emotion at once. Sometime it works, most of the time it doesn't. I never understand why notice that.

Being in bad mood by itself is bad enough, and self denial make it even worse. Well it is not exactly a self denial, most of the time I fully aware when I am in the bad mood. Yet it's my wrong perception on bad mood make it even worse. Everytimes I was in bad mood, I would always tell myself I shouldn't be in bad mood. That's a logical and pragmatisme in me speaking. The truth is, it only help in worsen the already rotten feeling. Despite "logically" me tell myself I should not be moody, I still can't help it and can't pull myself out.

That was me invalidating my own feeling. You might think that is bad. Yet, it nothing compare what I am going to reveal here. The stupid thing I have done was, despite all the signs that this invalidation tactic doesn't help, I still used it agaisnt other people. Use it onto person that is so dear to me, and I deserved being dump for that.

Ever heard of the adage "Do onto others what you want others do onto you"? I think I was so stupid to follow it by the book in this situation. Everytime I am in foul mood, I would invalidate my own feeling. That's how I dealt with my mood ever since I was young, very young. Being a dumn ass, that was exactly how I dealt with my ex too when she was in foul mood or feeling down. Yes, stupid me invalidated all her feeling, like how I invalidate myself. I can give an excuse that I was not to be blame because I was doing exactly that to myself. Yet, at this moment I see through my folly and there is no use blaming anything other than myself for not being "smart" enough.

For the first time last night, I didn't invalidate my foul mood. I just let it be, there is nothing wrong with being in bad mood. I didn't sprinkled salt onto the wound. If I didn't feel bad when I am feeling happy extremely happy, why should I have to feel bad when I am in foul mood? Err.. actually I did occasionally feel bad when I am extremely happy, but let leave that as it is for now. Err.. if the previous setence doesn't make sense to you, it's okie because it doesn't make sense to me either *grin*. Let me try again. When we are in bad mood, we are always in fight or flight mode. F**k! Anyway... my point is when I was in bad mood, "seeing" myself in that mood alone will make me feel worst. Damn... I lost it... lost the train of my thought again. What I mean is both happy and foul mood are just emotion. If I can accept happy, why should I deny foul mood? I should just accept and embrace it like how I embrace other good and positive emotion. Observes how it arises, and how it goes away.

What I learn from last night experience is invalidating one feeling is not a good way, in fact a wrong way, of dealing with emotional issue.


I posses the needs
to feel happy
to feel sad
to feel moody
to feel lonely
to feel estatic
to feel human emotions

The longing for all emotions
which I embrace
which I dare fight not
which I let be
be it sweet
be it foul
just so to perceive
to be whole
to be alive

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

WTF? Guy Emoting...

I am at the low tide of my mood right now. Most of the time I only hear the other species can have this kind of moody thingy. If I were women, I would easily diagnose myself as having PMS right now. Too bad I am not.

I was in pretty bad mood in office today. Luckily no poor soul come to provoke me. Wait, I need no provocation at all to show my dark self. A simple question to me will get a not-so-friendly answer and my colleague should have notice it.

Like just now, the other manager was asking me about a problem that a partner forward to him. Maybe he can sense that I was in bad mood and he ask me to just assign someone handle the case. I was in no mood to just assign the case to my team member. I want to solve the case myself, cannot? I got all the information and in my super focus state, and maybe the guy thought I wasn't paying attention to him... maybe he ask me some question. I was in my super focus state analysing the trace, maybe I didn't notice he ask me something. So he tought I ignore him. I ask a few question to my team member when I was analysing the trace. Maybe he feel dejected, and he turn toward the girl and asked her for help. Ask her to explain the problem to him so he can explain it to the partner.

I was little pissed, wtf? I am already analysing the problem and he go and ask my subordinate. I would have ask her to solve it if I wanted to. I already knew what is the problem, and typing the result of my analysis to him and he is asking my subordinate to do that again. I am pissed. While he is busy asking this and that, I told him I am typing the reply to him in the most polite way(which wasn't sounds that convincing). He back off. Thanks god!

Don't ask me why I am so moody, 'cos I farking don't know. Maybe it's from lack of sleep, maybe it's because of the buffalo wing I took with beer (and half drunk) on monday night or maybe induce by a long period of loneliness or maybe of these finally create just a perfect storm. I just don't farking know. Or maybe it's low sugar level in my blood.

Ever since I did the fast stunts during that's eventful weekend, my digestion system is like a sleeping monster woke up from sleep. Maybe after a good rest for two days, my digestion system start to get energetic. Over energetic in fact. I get hungry so damn fast.

Damn... my vodka ribena glass is empty... liao (go make another glass... come drink with me, toast!!!!)

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Salute to my buddy

Why do we fall? So that we can learn how to get up. Yes this is from the Batman Begin. It comes in handy in the real world as well. Life is full of up and down. It doesn't matter how we went down, and it doesn't matter how many times we went down. The important thing is, everytimes we went down we should learn how to get up. It's not easy. Yet my buddy has just shown that it is not impossible.

Despite what she have said in her post, that friends can provide good encouragement in a trying situation - yet only she can make it happen. Only she alone that tasted the real bitterness and hardship of undertaking the path and journey of transformation. For that I salute her and as promised, here is the Certificate of Attendance that I have promised :-)

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Ego or Stubborn

Went out for a drink with my good friend, and she bought me my first kilkenny. Thanks! Anyway I have a confession, and apologies to offer. After drinking, we went to have a supper. I order and hot pat zhi chou, and the drink came with a straw.

friend: This is stupid, ain't it? I just told my daugther about straw and hot drink. It will burn your throat.
me: Err.. is it? let me see...
I take a little sip, some how I just in the mood of being disagree
me: no lar... it's not really that hot...
yes, it not damn hot yet hot enough to burn my throat

Well, sorry for being stubborn. I know you might not notice it, or you just let me off with my ego (or stubborness or whatever damn shit they labelled it).

Sometimes, I am just like that. A pain in the arse, when I am in the mood to be disagreeable and my stubborness kick in. I stick to my stupid reasoning or whatever point that I am disagreeing on. Doesn't matter if the reason that I give is so stupid, I will still stand by it. Even though most of the time I know how stupid and lame it sounds like.

* * *

On something which is unrelated to this. These fews day, I am concentrating on research and exploring new technology to be adopted for our project. This specification from OSGi is pretty thick, I have buried my head into this stuffs this few days and been ignoring a lot of other routine thing which I am suppose to do.

I don't know if this is my weakness or strength. When I am working on something, I can concentrate fully on it to the point that I can will ignore other stuffs around me. Another problem is I tend to ignore or response negatively to anyone who try to interrupt me while I am deep into this problem at hand.

Like today, in the afternoon there is a meeting I have to attend for a discussion on seperate matter. I was pretty quiet, and other attendent might be thinking that I have negative view on things that being discuss. The truth is, everytimes when I am in deep thought it's very hard for me to pull myself out. That's why from outside, I tend to seems like ignoring or aloof to other matter.

* * *

When are they gonna stop this. I am tired of listening to all this craps about the tempo of our national anthem! Don't get me wrong, I love my country and any symbol that represent her. Now I ask you, if you have a child do you really need a reason to love and be proud of her/him?

Do you have to make him/her into a certain people, to behave in a certain way? If he/she doesn't do what you like her/him to be, will you love her/him less?

So please stop all this crappy attention seeking blardy stupid issue can or not? Please bring up a better and more useful issue like fighting porverty or something like that. Don't waste your time and energy on issue like the tempo of national anthem can or not?

Please let the current, or the original tempo stay as it is. Stop there, and learn to love it and get used to it. It's not the tempo that make the national anthem good! It's about what thing that you have done for the country and things that's you are being reminded of the moment you hear the national anthem that really matter. Don't ask what the tempo of the national anthem can do for you! Ask what you can contribute and do for the tempo of the national anthem! Stop there is you ever think that your greatest contribution for national anthem is to give suggestion to change it's tempo over and over again. bleh...

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Wracked My Bio-Clock

Yes, I am adding this post at this unheavenly hour. Now it's confirmed. My bilogical clock is totally wracked. Was damn sleepy while in office yesterday. Two new team member save my day. I give them sort of induction briefing. Man, how time flies and I wasn't even sleepy while giving the briefing, not until right after coming out from the room. Man it's already 7:00 pm.

I didn't realise I has been talking for like 3 hours. Can't really remember what time I started the briefing. Should be around 4:00pm I guess. Pack up my stuff and heading home. Tapau my dinner on the way back. I was sure I gonna hit the sack early, and I did. By 11:00pm, I already hit the sack and after reading few pages of The Life of Mahatma Gandhi I was gone. Was very sure I gonna wake up early, but waking at 3:30 am this is too early. Damn! Trying to sleep again, but all is in vain. Drag my arse up and here I am typing this post.

Finnish reading the book few years ago, and it's a fascinating and touching story of a man great man's life. Went here before I hit the sack, and reading the Gandhi book me had me wondering. How wonderful will it be if the passive resistence is used to fight for this cause? A fight campaign for the ultimate justice and co-existence without any malice toward one own enemy opponent.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

After the Estasy, laundry

If the title somehow sound familar to you it's because I took it off from a book that I read.

I am on semi-fast again today. Had my breakfast at 5:00pm. Fell asleep on the sofa after the breakfast. Woke up a couples of hours later. It's has been very long since the last time become disoriented when I wake up. The living room was dark and my brother was no where to be seen. For a moment I thought it was already 2-3am. It's kind of like a special feeling. I don't really know how to describe it in words. Even the wake-up-the-morning-after from getting drunk I can immediately recollect what had happened before I passed out, but just now was different. For a couple of minutes I have no recollection of what so ever happened before I dooze off.

Back to the topic of this post. Been riding on emotional (do you count furious as emotional?) up heaval past couple of days. While it is not exactly an Estasy, I still find the message is the same. The experience I had gone through is infact the opposite of estasy, isn't it? Nope, I think it's not the opposite. It's just a negative form of estasy. Confuse already? LOL. Sorry, I am just think out loud here. I have never been good in putting my thoughts into words. This is one of the reasons I start this blog, to learn to write and put my thought into words. Opps... sorry again for the digression.

For the second time, back to the topic again *grin*. Pardon me.

So, here goes the laundry. I have been thinking if the decisions that I have made during this whole fiasco are the best one. Maybe not, and don't get me wrong. I have no regret.

Maybe next time I should show more compassion to whoever that I'm mad at. Instead of launch into rage and furious. Read few pages of Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh last night. Maybe I should do that. Instead of get into rage, I can just use compassion and create a win-win situation.

I have not been good in verbal communication, actually I am bad in verbal communication especially emotional one. It cross my mind to just write to him. Tell him why I am angry, and sorry for being angry. Maybe he has his reason. Maybe he had some difficulties in getting into office on time. Just because he didn't tell me, I shouldn't assume that he do it on purpose. This me procastrinating again.