Sunday, October 02, 2005

After the Estasy, laundry

If the title somehow sound familar to you it's because I took it off from a book that I read.

I am on semi-fast again today. Had my breakfast at 5:00pm. Fell asleep on the sofa after the breakfast. Woke up a couples of hours later. It's has been very long since the last time become disoriented when I wake up. The living room was dark and my brother was no where to be seen. For a moment I thought it was already 2-3am. It's kind of like a special feeling. I don't really know how to describe it in words. Even the wake-up-the-morning-after from getting drunk I can immediately recollect what had happened before I passed out, but just now was different. For a couple of minutes I have no recollection of what so ever happened before I dooze off.

Back to the topic of this post. Been riding on emotional (do you count furious as emotional?) up heaval past couple of days. While it is not exactly an Estasy, I still find the message is the same. The experience I had gone through is infact the opposite of estasy, isn't it? Nope, I think it's not the opposite. It's just a negative form of estasy. Confuse already? LOL. Sorry, I am just think out loud here. I have never been good in putting my thoughts into words. This is one of the reasons I start this blog, to learn to write and put my thought into words. Opps... sorry again for the digression.

For the second time, back to the topic again *grin*. Pardon me.

So, here goes the laundry. I have been thinking if the decisions that I have made during this whole fiasco are the best one. Maybe not, and don't get me wrong. I have no regret.

Maybe next time I should show more compassion to whoever that I'm mad at. Instead of launch into rage and furious. Read few pages of Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh last night. Maybe I should do that. Instead of get into rage, I can just use compassion and create a win-win situation.

I have not been good in verbal communication, actually I am bad in verbal communication especially emotional one. It cross my mind to just write to him. Tell him why I am angry, and sorry for being angry. Maybe he has his reason. Maybe he had some difficulties in getting into office on time. Just because he didn't tell me, I shouldn't assume that he do it on purpose. This me procastrinating again.