Stupid Mana

After many many weeks of procastrination, I have finally moved my lazy ass to do some groceries shopping. Well... sort of.

I don't know why, comes every weekend, my body just turned into a lump of bloody lazy flesh and lethargic. So I decided to go for a body massage, see if it helps. So this morning, after about two hours of procastrination, i picked up the phone and made an appointment.

Half an hour later, there I was at the centre and having a massage. On the way I was thinking to myself, since I was already out and the place is close to Satu Utama, maybe I should go do my shopping after the massage; book, groceries and maybe some shirts.

Two hours later, there I was in the car heading to the Satu Utama. Half expecting there will be lot's of people and parking will be a hell. If not because I need to get some groceries, I would have rode my bike instead of driving the car and going through hell to find a car park.

As expected, there were cars park everywhere outside of the mall, legal and illegal. I decided against going ahead with my initial plan, passed by the mall parking entrance. Then it hit me that I haven't been to the Sempadan bookstore eversince I was opened in the Lengkok.

After the turn at the traffic lights, the queue already started, with all the slow moving cars. Damn, don't this people have other better thing to do? Damn the Malaysia On Sale Karnival is on, and now it the Hari Gaji (Pay day). Bloody stupid Mana! Never learn.

Never to time your groceries stock to finish during end of the month, what more during Sales Karnival. Bullock! So there I was, making a U-turn. Better head back home and stop by the Gergasi replenish my groceries. Forget about the books and shirt.

Passed by the Gergasi, and take look at the outdoor parking from inside my car. Blardy bullock! No blardy damn empty car park. Shit! Fine, I will just go to the small Gergasi nearby and groceries list sure get shorter. The small Gergasi don't stock all the things that I would like to have. The corns looks like it has been there for weeks!

Got a big bottle of Ribena, been like ages since I drink ribena. That was since my last continues supply run out like three months ago and I never bother to top it up. The fruits doesn't look fresh too. bleh!

I'm not drunk

yes, I am not drunk. I'm pissed drunk. Been a while, maybe a month since I'm this drunk. Well, a month is long in my boring, and good for nothing life okie. After three towers of beers, it's a miracle that I can still drive home... and it's a miracle that I am still able to type this. Well, there was like if collected the remains from the unfinished piss beers, maybe 1/2 a jug left when we left Mojo.

There was four of us. According to one of the captain, one tower is equavalent to 3 jugs. The way I look at it it's probably only 2 1/2 jugs. So minus the 1/2 remaining jugs, on everage we each gulped down like 1 1/5 at the very least.

Taking into consideration that I lost at least 4 out of 5 games of pools, and each time I lost I gotta gulped down 1/2. So at the very least I gulped down like 1 1/2 jugs (including the 1 jug that I probably downed before the pool game started).

I'm not drunk....

Perkasa

Perkasa
Tak tertahan lagi untuk ku terus terbang
Aku bukannya sebetul bendul
Aku hanya berhasrat mencari
Kekuatan dalam diriku

Aku bukan sekadar seekor camar...aku bukan sekadar sebuah kapal terbang
Bukan sekadar sekalangan muka cantik bersebelahan sebuah keretapi
Bukannya mudah menjadi diriku

Harapnya aku boleh menangis
Biar ku rebah melutut
Mencari helah untuk berbohong
Tentang rumahku yang takkan ku tampak

Ini mungkin seolah merepek... namun jangan jadi betul bendul
Meski wira sekalipun berhak terluka
Fikiranku mungkin terganggu... namun akan beralahkah engkau (bahawa)
Meski wira sekalipun berhak berimpian
Bukannya mudah menjadi diriku

Naik, naik dan terbang... menjauhi diri ku
Usah dikhuatir... anda sekalian boleh tidur nenyak malam ini
Aku bukannya gila.. atau apa-apa...

Tak tertahan lagi untuk ku terus terbang
Aku bukannya sebetul bendul
Manusia tak sepantutnya menunggang
Dengan awan-awan di celah kankang mereka (errr... doesn't sounds so right, but lantaklah... :P)

Aku hanya seorang insan dalam helaian yang merah dan tolol
Mengorek kriptonite di atas jalan sehala ini
Hanya seorang insan dalam helaian yang merah dan dungu
Mencari sesuatu yang istimewa dalam diriku
Dalam diriku
Dalam diri
Ya, dalam diri
Dalam diriku

Aku hanyalah insan
Dalam helaian yang merah and dungu
Aku hanyalah insan
Mencari impian

Aku hanyalah insan
Dalam helaian yang merah and dungu
Dan bukannya mudah,hmmm,hmmm,hmm...

Bukannya mudah menjadi diriku

Lima kerna Bergaduh


Superman
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

Five for Fighting

I Missed Earth

No, I'm not in a far away planet or anything. Never been out of earth neither, I'm here, well on earth. While watching a documentary on the NGC or was it Discovery about a family of a certain tribe in south of china, a certain thought crossed my mind. The daugther was herding their goats back to the pen, bare footed. Then it just ticked, in me. I started to miss touching earth with my bare foot.

I can't remember when was the last time the sole of my feet touch the earth. Maybe 3 months ago, or more? Artificial surface like tar, or simen not counted. Earth as in with the dust in all it's glory and gory.

I missed playing on the field, bare footed. I missed walking on the beach bare footed. I miss walking through the family orchard, touching the grass, thorn, roots, scrubs, sand, and all that which are natural.

While writing this, I tried to recall when was the last time I see the moon with all it's glory and stars. I can't remember when was the last time I see them. Too caught up and imprisoned in hassle bustler of so called life, and missed out on the simple pleasure of life?

A box of coke

A box of coke, was bought
to cools body, that an excuse
to mix with lemon ENO

First 5 cans
nobody business, gulping down
of course all with ENO
and diabetes probably says, hi

I had to stop, I know not how
or I wish not, stop
the heat is just, hot

Now, hot is still hot
I had not a can of coke
neither zero can

half over
and quater still in the glass
staring at me
and the urge, or the thirst
is just no where to be found

On a glass table,
a glass quater fill, or 3 quaters empty
however you want it seen
spoon inside
can outside, empty

How heavy is the heart
and taste is lost

Does it really matter

When a concern turn into frustration, when trying to be helpful and nice is becoming so hard, when the frustration turn into rage, does it still really matter if all this rage and madness is started from trying to be concern and nice anymore?

Many chances has been given, over and over it's being rewarded with frustration. So, it has been agreed that the guy will be transfered to another department. From the frustration that I have to endure, I suggest that this transfered should be served as a punishment. Do I really mean that? Where does that come from?

Does it matter if this transfer is served as punishment, or made to look like one? Telling that to the power that be, now I am thinking to myself, have lost my objective. Let's move backward a little bit.

What is to be done to an adult who shriek away from his responsibilities. When his is given a position, which comes with extra amount of monetary reward to handle his responsibilities, and yet he do not even show any effort to improve and take care of his responsibilities, what should be done?

In the beginning, I tried to persuade him to improve himself. Maybe I'm not a good one at that, but I did it the best I know how. Promises after promises, leads to frustration after frustration. With every dissapointment, I have to roped in favor from others to help us clean up his shit.

With so many frustration, I guess I'm getting carried away. I have loss hope on him, and even that most of the time the other part of me still trying to be kind. I am the only to be blame for his failure. It's my responsibility to manage this team. This include to motivate and improve the overall performance of this team. That can only be achieved, when every single member of the team contribute. Every single contribution is important and matter.

I get mad at myself when I can't do anything to not repeat my failure over and over again. Yes, I admit it. This call for punishment is an reaction to my frustration. As much as I wish and hope that the punishment will served as a wake up call to him, I afraid this wish and hope only kick in after the punishment has been suggested.

So it's pretty clear that the call of punishment by me was incite from sense of dissapointment and frustration. But in the end, does it really matter where it come from?

Pathetic Weekend

I'm waiting for the laundry that, I almost forget to do. Waiting for the washing to complete and transfer them to the dryer, or I may not have proper attire to wear to work tomorrow.

While waiting, finally manage to move my lazy butt to wash the whole week worth of kitchen utensils on the verge of overflowing the both sinks. In the process also clean up the stain (or was it mold :P) on the surface of the sink. The stove is still in a mess, the living room is still in a mess, and my bedroom too is still in a mess. Have been comtemplating for weeks to clean them up, and until now they remains in my todo list and in comtemplation.

Spent the whole of yesterday, to finish remaining 3/4 of The Hundred Secret Senses - Amy Tan, which was bought like two months ago. Watch two movies, one from the DVD and another one over HBO. Okie, the one on HBO, maybe only 3/4. Another 1/4 was lost while drifted in and out of conciousness for few times. Not really a good weekend, bleh.

Chinese Painting

In my sleep deprived state, on the flight from Nanjing to Hong Kong, I woke up with this view from the small window on my right. For a while I thought I was still in the dream, as I always thought this kind of view only exist in chinese painting, which more or less being enhanced by the artist. Took out the point-and-shoot digicamera and this is the result. It looks pretty hazy, which was not surprising as the sky in Nanjing was pretty hazy for the whole 5 days I was there. It's kind of depressing, like year back when Klang Valley was suffering from the burning in our neighbour. And the burning hot weather there was of no help at all too.

Stinking Good Fruit!

Yeay! Snapped this photo while I am waiting for the stinking fruit to defrost and defreeze. The fella was freezed by my mom, and brought over to my place by my aunt from Kelantan while I was away in a foreign land last week. I was comtemplating savoring the bugger ever since I got back last Sunday evening, but the blardy weather for the past week was like burining hell, and I wish not let that happen to my body. But... I can't stand no more, tonite is the night. Come what may, I gonna savor this bugger. Oh yeah, this fruit come from our family orchard in Kelantan, The Durian Kunyit!

Back

It has been a long hiatus. As a small mortal, I would blame it on the busy schedule at work, yeah it's never because of my faults/weakness :P This remind me of question I read somewhere, "If you are so busy, how come you still have time to breath?", or something along that line. I am never good at remember qoute.
Anyway, the obvious answer to that question is because breathing is much more important to whatever that I has been busy with. So the obvious answer to why this long hiatus is it is much important than what I has been doing.
It's less important than sleep.
It's less important than work (that feed me).
It's less important than ocassional TV watching (ya ya... there nothing much there, still it allow me to get some entertainment while I can be in my almost vegetative state.)
It's less important than bozzing (been on occassional bozzing mini-marathon, which ran for one week straight at times. crazy)
It's much less important than a few trips to foreign lands.
It's much less important than eating and shitting.

Enough of kok talking for now. Bye!