Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Does it really matter

When a concern turn into frustration, when trying to be helpful and nice is becoming so hard, when the frustration turn into rage, does it still really matter if all this rage and madness is started from trying to be concern and nice anymore?

Many chances has been given, over and over it's being rewarded with frustration. So, it has been agreed that the guy will be transfered to another department. From the frustration that I have to endure, I suggest that this transfered should be served as a punishment. Do I really mean that? Where does that come from?

Does it matter if this transfer is served as punishment, or made to look like one? Telling that to the power that be, now I am thinking to myself, have lost my objective. Let's move backward a little bit.

What is to be done to an adult who shriek away from his responsibilities. When his is given a position, which comes with extra amount of monetary reward to handle his responsibilities, and yet he do not even show any effort to improve and take care of his responsibilities, what should be done?

In the beginning, I tried to persuade him to improve himself. Maybe I'm not a good one at that, but I did it the best I know how. Promises after promises, leads to frustration after frustration. With every dissapointment, I have to roped in favor from others to help us clean up his shit.

With so many frustration, I guess I'm getting carried away. I have loss hope on him, and even that most of the time the other part of me still trying to be kind. I am the only to be blame for his failure. It's my responsibility to manage this team. This include to motivate and improve the overall performance of this team. That can only be achieved, when every single member of the team contribute. Every single contribution is important and matter.

I get mad at myself when I can't do anything to not repeat my failure over and over again. Yes, I admit it. This call for punishment is an reaction to my frustration. As much as I wish and hope that the punishment will served as a wake up call to him, I afraid this wish and hope only kick in after the punishment has been suggested.

So it's pretty clear that the call of punishment by me was incite from sense of dissapointment and frustration. But in the end, does it really matter where it come from?