Illogical

Despite all the holidays these few weeks, I am as tired as ever. Please be warned, this is just another rant. What not? I have been bogged down by the problem at the Doraemon's production system that I deployed last month. The system is still as unstable as ever.

Day in day out, I monitor all the system parameter and performance data like first time dad take care of a first born. On certain days I even woke up in the dead silent of the night morning to check it's health. Despite all the changes and fine tuning that I have done, it only improved a tiny bit. Still not enough to take away all the cloud over my head and the weight on my shoulder.

The signs that I am throughly stressed and burned out has manifest itself today. Though I am not as reclusive as a particular day last week, all my mind is still fully put into this baby. That particular day last week, I was really in a very reclusive mood. I just sit at my desk and was blinking and staring squarely at the numbers of the performance figure and system health without fcuk care about the other going-on in the office.

Anybody who came over to ask me anything and break my concentration got one standard curtersy curtersy-less word answer accompany by a nasty stare that is loud enough to tell them Please fcuking leave me alone. I didn't get that much interruption that day, which I concluded as I a successful strategy to get my message over loud and clear. At least something work still. Yay!!

Not all are grey and blurry today though. The Shanghai system, suddenly just work! Yes, you read me correct. It just work, the last test that I done with another colleague was last friday and it didn't work. I was trying to put in some trace and debug information to help the partner identify the problem faster after lunch. That was when I finally realise the system must be ready by end of this week, because exhibition (for which the system will be showcased) is next week. While doing the testing to capture the information, suddenly the system spring alive. I was like I can't believe this. Almost slap myself silly to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Didn't a few more test till I finally accept that the system did really work.

I checked with the remote partner if he did any changes over at his side, his response is negative. He didn't do any modification. How the system suddenly work? I don't know. Can this be consider miracle? I don't know. I am not romantic enough to believe admit it so, at least not in this case where there is just too much at stack. If it can spring to live without a logical explaination, I afraid it might goes out on me during the demo event next week. Though I won't be attending the event, I would rather not risk getting screwed by the marketing team if the system suddenly gone caput during their demonstration.

Enough of the digressions. Back to the signs that I am burn out. On my way back home just now, I was planning to take alternative route where I can stop by the mamak stall to tapau mutton curry for dinner. Yet I end up home, without the mutton curry and had to prepare a burger myself for dinner. I wasn't paying attention while driving and end up in the usual route that I normally take, and wasn't even realising it until I was way way past the point where I not suppose to turn into my usual route. I wasn't even remember taking the turn and took the usual route until three to five minutes afterward, when I finally realise I was suppose to take another route to buy dinner. That period of time, I was driving like the car was being auto pilot. Without any intervention of my concious mind.

The next sign manifest when I reached home, and took off my shirt. I remember clearly when I went down the stair to get to my car in the car park two floors down that forgot to take the amulet with me. I even remember touching around my neck with my hand. It's the Buddha amulet made from elephant tusk that I normally wear when I got out of my house. Yet when I took off my shirt, there it was dangling over my chest with necklace around my neck. Okie, maybe I was blur this morning. I just don't know anymore. Again, this may be interpreted as second miracles. Which might explain why I wasn't even aware when I didn't take the intetended route. Who know what await me there.

I don't really consider myself as religious. Despite being the logical and practical guy that I am, I too don't believe science can explain everything. There are things that still couldn't be explain by mere logical thinking and scietific methods.

When I just started work fresh out of univ, I travelled a long distance to work from my rented place on my kapcai. One hour travel from my rented place to workplace, and another hour to travel back afterwork. The only drawback is when it rains, especially in the morning. Which luckily wasn't that many, if my memory doesn't fail me. I don't mind if it rain on the way back. I couldn't care less too, just wade through it and get a good bath once I reached home.

There was one day when it rain pour cat and dog, on my way back from work. The stretch along the KL-Seremban Plus highway. Being the stupid dumb ass driver that I was (still am), I don't slow down even in the rain. Visibilities wasn't that good, maybe around 10-15 meters. Yet when I was approaching the spot where there is a bridge across the highway, spontaneously I feel like there is someone telling me to slow down. I did just that. Slowing down, and just in time to avoid hitting into a bunch of bikers who took shelter under the underpass. At least 20 of them, overflowing and occupying the one whole left lane. I just can't imagine how would it be like if I didn't slow down in time. At the speed of at least 90 km/h, I dare not imagine what would have happen.

I was wearing a Luang Phor Thuad amulet given by my dad (different from the one I was wearing today, or did I? ;-)) at that particular time. The amulet is at least 30-40 year-old or may be longer, ya must be. Because if I remember correctly, my dad told us it was given to him by a monk when he was still a bachelor. This amulet is well known for it's protection properties over travel related accident and calamities.

In magical lands, magic can happen. But only if we believe. ~ Rupert
Saving Fish From Drowing, Amy Tan